Well on Thursday I am returning to work after being off for three weeks after my miscarriage. I could have had another week off work but I think if I dont push myself I will never go back. I have to be honest I am dreading it and people asking me how I am. I am also dreading the fact I will get my arse kicked for losing my baby. You see my employer will treat this as normal sick and yep you guessed it we operate a scale of sickness where I work. So I will be sat down in a room and told how I will be getting a warning or some sort of disciplinary like that. I so dont want to go back, unfortunately my husband isnt working at the min so I have no choice you have to keep a roof over you head and food in your kids stomachs right. I am also not looking forward to putting on a false smile and being really pleasant to people when too be truthfull all I want to do is be alone to get everything that has gone on lately straight in my head. Why is it I wonder that I always thought I was a pretty strong character and able to hold my own when I have realised I am not like that at all. I so wish I could be one of these people who can just switch off their emotions and be like a robot. Never letting anything pierce their armour and mess with their circuits. I guess I am something I vowed I would never be…… yes you guessed it. JUST LIKE MY MUM Arrrggggggghhhhhhh. How cruel life can be sometimes. lol Only jokin my mum is a great person but is very emotional and I guess I am starting to be like her. Well there is time I suppose to maybe tweek that and refine it and come out with someone who can maybe learn to handle things just a little bit better. Fingers crossed.
